Wig In or Wig Out?

I have thick dark brown curly hair. The curls are more kinky than loose. I kept my hair short for convenience when I was working as a teacher in a classroom. After moving to Florida, I started to grow my hair my unruly, curly hair. It was a bit longer than shoulder length. Fashion wise, I began using scarfs that wrap around the head. My curls would bundle up on top, away from my eyes and the scarfs gave me color. I loved it!

During one of my episodes...rather a sitcom because the flare-ups lasts for weeks. My hair began to fall out. I was afraid to wash my hair. Fistfuls would come out. I started to get a receding hair line. I went to my dermatologist who told me to try to lessen my stress. Thank you for the obvious, doc! There was nothing they could do besides recommend Rogaine. I felt like a freak show in their office. Three professionals were staring at me astonished that clumps were just falling out.

I went home crying. I asked Richard if he would buzz my hair. The thought of going to a salon and requesting a buzz devastated me. I do not have a small Sinead O'Connor head. I have a big, round face. Oh my goodness, what could I do? Richard buzzed my hair as well as his own, out of solidarity. I felt like a pumpkin and Richard appeared ten years younger. That was great for my ego!

Washing my scalp made me so sad. The one benefit, was the drying time. I would wear my scarfs to just add some color. I would look at my face and just see illness and disease, even though my face looked exactly the same.

My parents and I went to a local wig shop. Should I get the natural look, curly and brown or totally unrecognizable, long and straight? I felt like Jennifer Garner in Alias. It occurred to me that I did not want to look enhanced because I was uncomfortable with myself. A wig, I realized would not change that. I forgo the purchase. I do think now about going back. It would be fun to play with a look.

After some months, my hair did thicken up again. Oh rejoice! Washing long hair is a challenge due to joint pain, so I keep it short. However, now I joyfully play with color. Light brown with blooming blonde highlights anyone? Give yourself permission to be as you are, feel what you feel, without creating unproductive shame or anxiety. Be you...there is no other my Lupies!