Unlike Holidays, Illnesses do Rollover

When did my twins stop asking me to put them to bed at night.

When did my absence at the dinner table become commonplace.

When did my twins jokingly not joking point out how much medicine I consumed.

When did my several trips to be the bathroom become expected and routine.

When did I stop making breakfast for my kids because the start of my regular day was plagued by pain and exhaustion.

When did my twins begin giving me extra huggies because that is how they cope.

When did my one big thing of the day become cooking family dinner.

When did my twins stop expecting me to take or pickup them up from school.

When did my family start leaving me behind on local events and family fun.

When did the hospital become the sacred place where my illness is just managed.

When did How are you feeling become the expectations of everyone's day.

When did being in bed become preferred while everyone else starts their day.

When did my crying just make me exasperated and physically worse.

When did I start being excluded from the holiday kid fun because I could not physically participate. Pumpkin carving, trick-or-treat, decorating, holiday shopping and wrapping, viewing neighborhood xmas lights...gone and left undone.

Lupies, I believe we are the master of disguise. There is no cure to the illness. There is no reprieve to lost personal time with family. There will be no summer/holiday do over. I am having a moment. A really long, fucking unfair moment. Lupies, Forward!