I completed my six month full panel bloodwork and scans. All tests came back without any irregularity. Yeah for me...So why in God's green earth, can I not wake up without severe body pain. I sleep and sleep, yet I still feel exhausted. My hands and feet are swollen limiting my abilities. I am not going to be cured. I will not be spared the symptoms of these diseases because I have good intensions. However, through self-care symptoms are feasible. Not enjoyable just manageable.
I have been depressed the past two weeks. I have been angry. I have been sad. I have been overwhelmed. I stopped walking my dog. I stopped exercising. My kids activities were crushing. They even missed a day of school. I simply checked-out.
I am not Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, Fibromyalgia, Mixed Connective Disease. I am an all-star patient. I take all my prescribed medications. I take therapeutic swim classes for individuals with decreased mobility and inflammation. I use my cannabis throughout the day. I sleep ten-twelve hours a day. I attend cognitive therapy. I participate in IV therapy. I recite morning and evening affirmations. I demonstrate love to my beautiful family. Yet, I will not be cured.
Lupies, allow yourself the time to grieve your previous versions of yourself but all is not lost. Here I stand. So I will walk through the pain, I will swim with the elderly, I will be creative when my mind allows. I will be present when physically possible. I will appreciate all these little moments. Simply put...
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” Winnie the pooh