Marriage and Lupus
I have watched various interviews and read books on chronic illness and the effects on a marriage. I was left feeling disheartened. Most of the couples chose not to stay together. My spouse and I have had that conversation. I envision that I am going to see him standing at the doorway with this failed, remorseful look that screams...I can't anymore! I really can not blame anyone for resigning. My partner is my everything. He is compassionate, tries to be understanding, always is body positive, tells me not to feel less than because I did not complete a house chore. Even while I feel secure that he would never abandon our marriage because of my illness. I wish I could pretend it is doesn't exist. He is very conscious to not direct his frustration when I am indifferent or helpless in pain. He never blames me. I believe that is the primary injustice in all these stories. The added stress and toxicity of these ignorant individuals that falsely believe this illness is your fault or that it can be controlled.
The majority of the significant others in these other stories were ridiculed, made to feel less than, a simple fact people seem to forget is chronic is always.
These stories that I have heard and read about are deplorable. Husbands rejecting their partner because of the significant others weight gain from steriods, mainly prednisone. Partners being outright cruel because their chronically ill partner can not get out of bed. Partners complaining that their envisioned marriage where the partner would take care of the household, clean, cook childcare and all social events are severely compromised. What can anyone do? Get on board.. This is reality not fantasy. Be gracious to your partner...you are not dealing with any of this physical and mental chronic nightmare.
Living my best life of leisure is not lying in the sun while ideally drinking a Long Island Iced Tea. It is simply being. Waking up and accomplishing little with love and personal acceptance. Lupies, get rid of the toxicity. It is not wanted or needed. Surround yourself with appreciation...this journey is not for the faint of heart. We are Lupus Warriors! There is nothing less about us. We simply need something different. A viewpoint, a partner, a friend and above all forgiveness. When given a choice always chose kindness.