Location, location, location!

In my previous "healthy" life, I worked as a Fine Arts teacher for fifteen years in Northern NJ. I had to apply for a medical retirement. I was unable to work full-time. I applied for Social Security which they quickly and swiftly denied. (I was granted by appeal with lawyers). I applied to receive my pension through Human Resources and was granted my freedom.

My husband also is in education. He was offered a full-time professorship at a university in Central Fl. We had to move from Northern NJ. The cost of living is so much higher in addition to the cold, we didn't have much of an option so Central Florida...down south we go! We bought a house with a pool (note we never we able to buy a family home in Northern NJ) and the kids were enrolled in the earned A+ Seminole County district schools. Husband earned a great job. Everyone had a purpose.

For the first time in my life, I neither had school, work, homework, or planning sessions. I had nothing to run to, I had no task to complete, I had no one professionally expecting me somewhere. Time became irrelevant. This was not summer vacation. This was permanent. I needed to accept my current situation and guess what...I didn't. I was in full blown denial. Surprise! I was unable to sit still.

I would take the kids to their bus stop and I would head to the gym. Run, run, run, if I stop my body will stop. I joined the PTA, classroom mom assistance, swim team mom, running kids series participant probably some other stuff that I can't remember. I needed to fill up my time. I needed to feel accomplished. And hot damn! My flare-ups got worse. One day, I slept after I went to the gym and did not wake up until the doorbell rang. I slept through my phone alarm. My baby twins walked home from the bus. I was horrified! I did not deserve them...I did not deserve any of my babies...I didn't deserve to live! (Now you can see how therapy has slowly diminished my hysteria). I knew at that moment that I needed help in my day to day.

This is the part in the story where my parent's moved in with us. After some construction and fun planning we changed the garage into living space. Florida homes do not have basements and it does not snow so, what the heck, we lost a garage. Now we all live together, comfortably. Mami, Papi, Richard, Blue/Munchkin, Crazy Girl, Beautiful Boy, Dr Mom and our Lab Chica. (Reference names)

My brother once said, "I was gifted with It's a Wonderful Life, I may have wanted a different path but have been rewarded with love all around you."

I believe that.