The holiday season is upon us! I like many others, would love to blink and the days are just over. Don't misunderstand, I am the self appointed Dr. Xmas...I have Christmas music playing at every corner of the house from sunrise to dream time. It reminds my husband of walking around Macy's. Exactly the feeling I wanted to invoke. You catch yourself singing to it without realizing. I have the lights draped on all the bushes, string lights on the trees, blowups that include a Peruvian Llama (nod to my husband heritage), Santa sitting on a suitcase reading a map and a classy snowman. The snowman is classy because it is not tacky, according to me.. It is wonderful and magical because it is how I wanted it to be. My husband took pictures of it initially, since I was unable to physically walk outside. I have only seen my house lit from the outside three times. Evenings are my low energy points so I don't venture out. I don't do all of these preparations and thought just for myself. I found if I am really down, it is difficult to rise up. It is difficult for my family to help me because at the root...I have to want it. I give myself a reason...my life, the people that surround it. They all deserve the positive energy, the love, the forgiveness that is the magic of the holiday season. I am suffering so I am taking the time. Kids will open gifts in my bed, watch the Yule log snuggled in the morning while my lit candle releases the smell of pumpkin(yes, pumpkin). It is not traditional but it is what I need to be ok. I have to communicate my needs...because let's be real...able bodies people can adjust much more easily that I act "normal" while I am silently suffering. I don't silence anything anymore...I matter. Lupies,, so do you!