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Death is not knocking.

Lupus is a chronic (long-term) disease that can cause inflammation and pain in any part of your body. It’s an autoimmune disease, which means that your immune system — the body system that usually fights infections — attacks healthy tissue instead.

At one point, I was taking twenty pills a day. Majority of them were powerful steroids. I had to employ a team of physicians to simply keep me going and medicating every symptom. I was not thriving but existing. No one, including myself was thinking about me. Body and Mind.

Chronic pain is constant but the mind is a powerful tool. I was in three dire states of mind...I am dying. I am going to die. Why am I not dead yet? I did not and could not continue in this state of despair.

Pain will not cause death. It took me a long time to believe this. It also takes practice. This is not overnight. This practice along with the mindfulness was difficult for me. I was not looking to enroll into a Yogi lifestyle. However, I can not refute that it works. If a fire alarm goes off unexpectedly while you are at home with the entire family, chaos will ensue. If you are informed ahead of time, that it is a drill, it will not cause stress. It is a reaction to a situation.

Chronic pain is constant, we know this...so if it is constant...you know it is coming. It is that annoying family member that you only see for holidays and funerals. You just have to tolerate them...That is chronic pain!

The power is not in the pain. It is in your mind. Is this relative (chronic pain) going to anger you? Willingly, obsess about their immature faults, bad decisions in relationships and employment? Or are you going to recognize this relative (chronic pain) and not let their choices affect you? Keep this relative (chronic pain) in the distance/background. We are so powerful in our minds...the flare-ups are coming, the pain/exhaustion are coming, every other dang symptom that this disease brings...it is coming! Be prepared. Lessen the stress. Recite a mantra, hum a song, focus on a specific part of your body. Death is not at your doorstep. Do not give it the Britney Spears "Oh Baby, Baby" spotlight. Dim it! Every morning while I shower, I play Katrina & The Waves, "Walking on Sunshine" on a loop. I walk Chica and I skip over the concrete sidewalk cracks. I sleep with birds chirping in the night. I do this so my focus is not on my ailments.

Be mindful of your body and your thoughts. Breathe. So as the pain comes...It will no longer be the foreground but in the background. I deserve to live well. I deserve to thrive not just exist.






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