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Call Me a Fraud or Not?

Updated: Mar 16, 2021

When I feel relief from my chronic illness, I feel like a fraud. Days that I feel great! Dare I say amazing! My hair and makeup are complete. I put a pretty dress on and accessorize with a large beaded necklace. I walk out the door in my platform heels. I feel like an imposter when I put the handicapped parking permit next to the library door as I jump out the family van.

I can pretend that I am fine with the benefits of the disabled. I head to HomeGoods because there is always something fun there. I feel like a fake. I get impatient while I wait for people to move aside in HomeGoods narrow, narrow walkways. Excuse me, excuse me while I just want to scream, move...I am being amazing! This is the ultimate sham! I am collecting Social Security benefits, my teacher's pension and health benefits.

Once home I begin creating my art pieces. Currently, I am Pinterest obsessed with recyclable object art. I strive to create something beautiful everyday.

Sadly Lupies, just like you can anticipate Tom Cruise running in every film, the symptoms creep back. Joint pains, headaches, muscle aches, constipation/diarrhea, exhaustion...it reads like a prescription warning label. You have to come to terms with the illusion of short-lived normalcy. I will live my amazing fraudulent life as long as I can. When I can't...I will sit on my Golden Girl's Floridian patio and smoke my joint while listening to the wondrous sounds of Sting.

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